You Can and It's Not Too Late

We look at why people stop setting goals and stretching themselves as they age. And, how they can begin to dream again,

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Transcript

Welcome to the Project You podcast, where each week you'll find topics, tools, and tips that will help you bridge the gap between the life you are living and the life you are dreaming about. If you are ready to take control and unleash all that is possible in your life, you are in the right place. And now your host, Certified Life Coach Temetria McVea.

Hi, y'all. Welcome back to The Project You Podcast - Unleashing the Possibilities of Your Life. 

 This is Episode 2. You Can, and It's Not Too Late. 

Why do we set our lives on autopilot once we hit a certain age? Or hit one of the events that society has determined as a milestone? Somewhere around 40 to 50 to 60, maybe married, maybe the kids are starting to leave the nest, people start to just go through the motions. 

 They go through life with one day rolling into the next, and they're not striving for things or challenging themselves. When I talked to my clients about this, they tell me they're busy and tired and they don't know what they want. 

 But they're not satisfied or really content with where they are in life. But they're also very reluctant, resistant even, to trying something new or to setting goals or even taking the time to figure out what they want. And what comes up a lot for them is, "It's too late," or "If I were younger, I'd try something like that." 

 They also have a lot of resistance to starting over or starting from scratch. And one thing that I want to point out is, that it's not truly from scratch because no matter what new thing you're starting, you're bringing your life experience that will serve you in some way. If nothing else, you have enough experience and wisdom to keep you out of danger.  But you probably have experience beyond that that will help you in ways you won't even know about until you get into the situation. 

 And where's the rule that at 40, 50 or 60, you can't start something new? 

 I think it's a great time because you're bringing your experiences and your life wisdom to the project.  And this is a very basic example, but if you moved to a new country, you would be wise enough to know that once you are settled into your new home, you would have to figure out some things. 

 You'd have to find the closest grocery store, a pharmacy, get new doctors. And some things you'd have to establish before you moved, utilities, etc. Now you may not know how to drive on a different side of the road, or how to speak the language, or that all the shops are closed on Sunday, but you could keep yourself alive and you figure out the rest as you go. You would have the life skills to do that. 

So that same logic can be applied to starting a career in a different field.  More than likely some of your professional knowledge and life skills will come in handy. 

And what I hear from clients is, "I'm about ready to retire," or "I'm in a really good place." And I'm not asking them to go sit behind another desk for another 10 to 20 years. I'm offering that they go find something that lights them up. And find something that stimulates their soul and brings them joy; that can still challenge them to grow. You don't have to hate something for it to be challenging. You just need to step out of your comfort zone, which doesn't seem to be very comfortable from what I'm hearing from people. They're not satisfied with the status quo. They're not at peace. They're restless and frustrated and dissatisfied with their lives, but they're still reluctant to change. 

And I think that change and the challenge to stretch our brains in different directions, is exactly what we need as we age. I think a lot of us are stagnant to the point of atrophy. (And that's the more of the tough love that I promised. I really thought it would come out in later episodes, but here it is.) 

But anyway... we're not growing and expanding our minds and our souls and our hearts. We're just being swept along by life and not controlling where we're going. 

Part of the problem, I think, is that people have this sense of, "I've worked so hard now I get to rest." And I believe you can enjoy the fruits of your labor and still do things that challenge you. Even if it's just traveling to new places and having new experiences in life. So why don't we? 

I think one of the things that keeps us stuck, is that thought of beating ourselves up about not doing it sooner? But what if it wasn't supposed to happen sooner? What, if you needed all the tools and knowledge and experience you've been gathering for everything to be the way it was meant to be? For you to be who you were meant to be. What if it couldn't have happened without all of the life that you've lived? 

Another thing that holds people back is the thought that they have to be perfect.  The fear of failure. But trying, failing, and trying again, is the way we learn, grow and succeed. And oftentimes, what we deem as failure in our minds is really just a misstep. But we're afraid of what other people will think. If we don't do it perfectly, or if we need to do over. 

Well, I have a Coach T Tip for you. They're not looking at or thinking about you. They're too busy, worrying about who's looking at or thinking about them. 

So you can let the need to do it right or perfect, go. Just do it from the heart! 

So if you have even the smallest inkling that there's something more that you want to do, or something you want to try; if there's an opportunity that you've missed or dream that you want to pursue, I want you to know that you can do it, and it's not too late to go after it! 

Now, when you decide to pursue that dream or go in a new direction for your life, your brain will automatically give you all the reasons you can't do it. 

If you want to start a new career in a different field, your brain is probably going to give you thoughts like, "This is going to be hard." " It's going to be hard to compete with a younger workforce." "You're going to have a lot to learn." And that's your brain's way of trying to keep you in what is safe and familiar because the unknown is scary for the brain. 

But who's to say that you can't compete with someone younger. Again, think about all you bring to the table with your knowledge and experience that a younger person doesn't. 

Or you might want to pick up your whole life and move to another city or another country, and your brain will automatically start with thoughts like, "You won't know anyone." "What if you hate it?" "Think about all the stuff you have to pack."  It's going to be a pain to change the address on everything." And some of those things might sound a little ridiculous, but those are the sorts of thoughts that keep us stuck. And it really is just our thoughts on the matter.  And those are perfectly normal thoughts that our brains are giving us because that's what the brain has evolved to do.  Our primal brain controls our basic survival instincts. It handles a lot of things: breathing, movement, pumping our heart, regulating our temperature. So it has a lot to do so it needs to be efficient. It's like the mama that tells you, "We don't have time for this foolishness. We need to stick to what we know and be safe."  That survival instinct is driven by the Motivational Triad: avoid pain, conserve energy, seek pleasure.  So the brain is just doing its job.  When you think about doing or trying something new, the brain gets to work doing its job, and it sends you warnings about all the things that could go wrong so you make the decision to stay in your comfort zone. Imagine my air quotes here on "comfort zone." Or maybe I should call it your "known zone" because it's what you know, and theoretically what's comfortable. 

But, like I said, I know a lot of people who are living in that zone who don't seem to be very comfortable or very content. And I was one of them. Listen. I felt like there was more; but there was always excuses or doubt or fear. "It's going to be hard." "What if I can't do it?" "I don't know how to do it." "What will people think?" 

And this was for anything, right? This is for all sorts of things. Those thoughts will come up. The shady thoughts that your brain will offer are real! And your job is to counter those thoughts with questions that will help you figure out the answers and move you forward. So in response to, "What if I can't do it?" You  can ask yourself, "Am I willing to at least try?" Or, "What do I need to learn first?" 

And in response to, "I don't know how." You can ask yourself questions like. "How can I figure this out?" "What if I just took a guess?" "What do I know about the situation?" Because a lot of times we underestimate ourselves. 

And in response to what will people think, ask yourself, why you care? 

So, what I want to offer is first of all, it's okay to spend some time just thinking about what's possible in your life. Think about what you really want to do; allow yourself to dream. When was the last time you did that? Because you have the power to create what you want in life. So don't let fear hold you back. 

Because you have your complex human brain for logic, reasoning, problem solving and creativity. So if there's something that you want to do the first step to creating it is just thinking about what's possible. Now it may take some time and effort to create it. You may stumble along the way. But what if you were willing to stumble and maybe even fall on your face a few times? 

What if that last time you get up, you hit the jackpot? You get what you want. You achieve your goal. Wouldn't that be worth it? 

So I want to tell you about a couple of women that I follow on Instagram. One is Carolyn Doelling, and I hope I'm pronouncing her name correctly. But she started modeling in her seventies. And she says it's not something that was on her radar; she was just offered an opportunity while she was shopping at a boutique one day.

One of the things that struck me about the whole situation was that she had to be willing to say yes. To be open to what was possible and not go to an automatic response like, "I've never done that before." Or, "That's not me." Or, "What will people think?" She had to be willing to step out of her comfort zone. And she stepped out of it and onto the runway! How fabulous is that? 

And then there's Joan McDonald, who started her fitness journey at 71. And by 73, she had lost more than 50 pounds, was in fantastic shape, and had hosted a sold-out wellness retreat with her daughter in Mexico. She didn't let the fact that she tried to get in shape before or her struggles with technology and the fitness app she was using discourage her. She kept trying. And she said she didn't always do it perfectly, and sometimes it was slow going, but she didn't give up. And I just think those are two beautiful examples of what we're talking about. 

And I think about technology and the resources that we have at our fingertips. I think about our phones. And I always say my grandmother would be blown away by all the things we have. First of all, that we have computers in our homes. And email. And phones in our purses. And the phones in our purses have email, TV, walkie talkies, heart rate monitors and cameras on them. And they're in our purses! 

Somebody thought that was all possible and they had to get past all the doubt and fear to make it a reality. And I have no idea how old they were or where they were in their journey, but we have examples of it not being too late, all around us. And we have examples of anything being possible and achievable around us everywhere. So if it's not too late, and anything's possible, it's not too late for you to do anything you want. 

Until next week

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