Welcome to The Curate Your Life with Temetria podcast, where we focus on curating the life you've been dreaming of, one goal at a time.
So I am coming to y'all today with a special episode of this podcast, because I dropped a Live yesterday on Instagram and Facebook about overwhelm. And I think it's so important that we talk about this, that I did the Live in those two places, I'm dropping this special podcast about it, and I sent an email to the people on my email list. Because I want people to know that being overwhelmed is fixable. And I know that people tend to think that overwhelm and the holidays go hand-in-hand because people tend to be more overwhelmed than normal during the holidays, but I want you to know that it's fixable.
So we're going to talk about that today. So I found a definition online of overwhelmed, and this is the definition that I think totally nails it. “Being emotionally overwhelmed means to be completely submerged by your thoughts and emotions about all of life's current problems to the point where you lack productivity and feel frozen or paralyzed.
Y'all, if that doesn't sum it up, I don't know what does. Because I think we have all felt overwhelmed and it just feels like there is a heaviness of the world on your shoulders.
What I want you to know is that you don't have to feel overwhelmed during the holidays, or any other time. And I promise you that I can absolutely help you with that. Overwhelmed does not have to be your normal. It's not necessary. I promise you that. So what I said during the live and what I'll say here is like, if I just blew your mind or if you want to fight me on that one, schedule a consultation and we will talk about why and and how overwhelmed is fixable?
But I want to talk to you today about the next five weeks or so that we have left in this year. And like I said, I know that people think overwhelm and the holidays go hand-in-hand, but they don't have to. I promise you. And I even still feel this way sometimes. And that's actually why I did the Live yesterday and why I'm doing the podcast and the email. Because, even with coaching, even being kind of a time management geek… Okay, not “kind of”, a time management geek. I still had this thought run through my head. “Oh my goodness, the next few weeks are going to be so hectic.” So then I stopped and I'm like, “oh, wait a minute. Why am I thinking that; what's really going on? What's really happening over the next few weeks?”
And I sat down and I looked at my calendar and I saw all the things that I had planned for the upcoming weeks, including travel and things like that. And I asked myself, why I thought it was going to be hectic. And it was because there are things coming up that are outside of my normal routine. I'm not going to be at home. It's going to require some planning and effort. And I'm a planner. But just thinking about that, the planning that I needed to do, the effort. You know, kind of making sure that I dot my I's and cross my T's was making me want to think that it's going to be hectic. It's really just going to be life continuing, but it's going to be a different routine.
I'm going to be doing things differently. So, what I thought was I'm going to be outside of my comfort zone. And it's just because my, hear my air quotes here, “comfort zone” means I'm going to be out of my routine and not in my normal habits. But nothing uncomfortable is actually going to happen.
Those are just the stories I was spinning in my mind. So I'm going to give you some steps to help you get through the next few weeks from a different place. Because we have a lot of stories and things about the expectations, about how things were supposed to go during the holidays, right? So that is where a lot of that overwhelm and kind of that low-level stress and anxiety comes from. It comes from the stories that we're telling ourselves. We're telling ourselves that, you know, it's supposed to be a great time with families and friends and parties and all the things should be fun and enjoyable. But life, isn't a Hallmark Movie for whatever reason; your family, your friends, your boss may not be following the scripts that they're supposed to follow. They may not be doing the things that you think they're supposed to be doing.
Or maybe you don't have a cast for your movie. And maybe that's what feels overwhelming and stressful, that you don't have the support. But whatever the case is, I know that the season can sometimes seem very overwhelming.
And that feeling of overwhelm comes from those constant thoughts and ruminating going on in your head. Thinking about everything that you need to do. You feel overwhelmed because of how you think everything should be. And you're trying to figure out how to make it all work the way you think it should work. You may feel financially overwhelmed during this time because of what you think you're supposed to do, you know, giftwise and spending and outfits and, travel and things like that. You may feel like you don't have enough time for it all. You may have a feeling that things are not going to turn out the way they're supposed to go. They're not going to live up to your expectations and you're not going to have the holiday experience that you want. The carolers are not going to ring your doorbell and sing your favorite songs.
Everyone's not going to show up on time with the right gifts and ready to party and have fun. No, Uncle Joe is going to come and he's going to be drunk and you're going to fight with your sister and Ehtel is going to want to bring her famous potato salad, that really is no good. And you're going to want to spend all the money on all the things, but you don't want all of the bills in January. So it's all of those things, right, that are running through your head all day and then keeping you up at night that feel overwhelming. And it's not just the holidays, life can seem like that on an ongoing basis.
And it's normal to feel that way.
Sometimes our brains take off thinking about all of the things and if it's left unchecked, it's snowballs on the problem and creates more overwhelm, without giving any time or thought to the solution or what's really going on. When you are in that state of complete overwhelm, it shows up a few ways.
It may be hard to slow down. And find the rational thoughts. It's hard to stop that train. Or you're in a freeze response and unable to complete even the most simple task. Or just do one thing to get you going. Or you hide and avoid it all. You bury your head in the sand, hoping that it'll go away.
And if all of that is going on for you for a day or two, or a week or more, you will feel totally exhausted. All of that thinking and emotional grappling and stress is physically and mentally exhausting and that exhaustion makes it feel harder to take the steps to get out of overwhelm. So then you're just living in this vicious cycle. But you can get out of that cycle. And I'm giving you some tips now, some takeaways, that you can implement today to start to feel better and to start to move away from that cycle.
So when you feel like life is coming at you from all sides, when you feel like you are in a big game of Dodge Ball with life, these are the things that I want you to stop and do.
The very first thing I want you to do is to stop, and get honest about what's really going on. Challenge and question the thoughts that are running through your head. You can write them down, do some journaling. You can talk to your friend that you trust. But you have to get those thoughts out of your head, you have to get out of your head. That will give you some distance and some perspective to separate your story (the drama, the adjectives, the emotions) from the facts (the boring reporting of the news.) And, not the news the way they report it now with a title and theme music and cliffhangers, not that news. Just, this is what happened. Like facts, no adjectives, no emotions, no drama in it. So that's the first thing that I want you to do.
The second thing, I want you to acknowledge how you're feeling; like what's going on in your body. I want you to understand those feelings so when you're in that, and you feel overwhelmed, I want you to stop. And I want you to think about where in your body are you feeling overwhelmed. I know for me when I get tense, it's my shoulders go up, right? There could be that feeling in the pit of your stomach, but I want you to stop and say, ask yourself, what does this feel like in my body? Where in my body do I feel it? And I want you to remember that feelings don't last forever. If you keep ruminating on that thought, the feeling will keep going. But if you are able to stop and get a little perspective and a little distance, the feeling starts to dissipate. Think about this. Think about a time when you were driving in traffic and somebody cut you off. And you immediately kind of snap and you maybe say some bad words and you yell and you get grrrr. And then you go on about your day and that feeling goes away.
You know, you go through your day doing whatever you need to do. But then at the end of the day, when you're recounting, how was your day, honey? And you tell him, well, this is so-and-so cut me off in traffic, and you talk about it. Those feelings come back and you work - I call it working yourself into a tizzy. You work yourself into a tizzy again. So those feelings came back when you started talking about it; when you started thinking about it, those feelings came.
So if you can get some distance from those thoughts. Redirect those thoughts, those feelings start to go away. So when you notice what's going on in your body, where you're feeling, the things that you're feeling. I want you to. Stop again. It's all about stopping. Stop and get honest with what's going on. Stop and understand what you're feeling and where you're feeling it in your body. And then stop and just take two minutes (it will probably take you less than two minutes) to take three long, slow, deep breaths. And that will give you some time and some space to just kind of reset your internal system. If you have the time and space and you're in a place where you can take a walk or move your body, then that physically changes what's happening in your body. It changes what's going on.
It'll change those feelings. So breathing, moving your body will help to lift that heaviness that you feel.
The fourth thing is to determine what you can control, what you can actually control. Some of y'all aren't going to like this one because I'm going to tell you what you can control, is you. And only you! And you might think that you can control other people, but you can't. And I would even argue, not even a little kids, cause I've seen little kids laid out at the grocery store, having a tantrum. That person, that little kid is in control of what he's doing, not the mama or the daddy or whoever.
So you can control you. That's it. And when I want to get some perspective and remember what I can control, I hold out my arms to the side and I know that what I can control is kind of only things within my reach. Nothing beyond the span of my arms can be controlled by me. Uh, and even, you know, somebody could come stand closer to me, and I can't control that unless I maybe pushed them away, right?
So you can only control you. You can't control other people. You can't control the weather. You can't control other people's thoughts or feelings. You can control you and how you move through the world and how you respond. So, when you know that, that is a huge, huge, huge thing.
That takes so much off of your plate, so much that you don't have to worry about. You can't control it, wo why would you spend that mental time and energy n those things?
And the last thing, get a small win. Do one thing that will move the needle on something that you're working on. Take one small action, any action to get you going. So if it's answering one email, if it's making one phone call, if it's putting one cup in the dishwasher; something that will get you some momentum, even the smallest bit of momentum.
And then I want you to take the time to celebrate it. No matter how small you think it is, celebrate it. Celebrate that you did it; celebrate that you took that step, that you made that effort. Because when you celebrate that, it makes it easier to take the next step and the next and the next.
So those are the things that I have for you. Please try these. Even if it's just to stop and pause and take a couple of minutes to just breathe. That will make a huge difference in that feeling of the world coming at you. If you can just take a minute and just get some air in your lungs and a reset in your body, it will make a big difference.
So, that's what I have for you today on overwhelm. If you still feel like the world is coming at you and you need more help, if you're like, no, that's not going to get it for me, schedule a consultation with me. I would love to talk to you. I can show you some perspective and help you kind of work through those things. That's what coaching is, right? It's me showing you that although it feels like this to you, this is what's really happening. We look at what's going on for you specifically and we get to the bottom of what's really happening, how you can address it, how you can handle it, how you can feel better.
So, I wanted to put this message out in as many ways as possible, because I really do want people to know that you don't have to feel overwhelmed. You don't have to feel like The whole world is playing Dodge Ball with you and you're the only person in the center.
And I just came up with that Dodge Ball thing because I saw Dodge Ball in action with adults and, um, that looked awful. I don't even think I liked it when I was a kid, but just that it didn't look fun and I don't know why they were playing it, but anyway… You don't have to feel like that in life, that you're on the losing end of a Dodge ball game.
So if you would like to schedule a consultation to talk to me about how I can help you get past those feelings of overwhelm and to move towards your goals from an expansive place, so you can live the life that you dream of, the link is in the show notes. Until next time.