Welcome to the Curate Your Life podcast with Temetria, where we focus on curating the life you've been dreaming of one goal at a time. Hey y'all, we are going to be talking about self-care. I'm going to do a series of podcasts on self-care because I want to talk about what it is, what it isn’t, why you need it, and give you some ideas on how you can incorporate it into your life.
And I just really want to have a conversation about self-care because I think when you get down to it, self-care is self-love. And we are just coming off of Valentine's Day and that's the day all about love (whether you think it's made up like a friend of mine) or whether you love it. Whether you have a Valentine or not, it's a day where we focus on love, right? And so I did a podcast last week about how you can focus that love and that attention and that care on yourself; and how it should not just be on Valentine's Day, but that it should be an ongoing thing.
And, I've been thinking about this and wanting to do this and kind of had this in the works, where I want to talk about self-care. And really look at it from several different ways and just kind of break it up into a series so these don't get too long. They're normally not very long, but I just had some ideas, and I want to have a conversation over the next few weeks about self-care.
So one thing: if you are not in the Curate Your Life Facebook group, you can come over and join us there. That is a private group of like-minded women who are focused on creating lives that they love. So that's what we do in that group and we are going to be doing more. There will be coaching sometimes, there will be webinars and workshops just for members of the group. So, if you want to come over there and join us, you are more than welcome to.
So let's get to self-care though, and when I think about self-care, I think about it as looking after, and taking care of yourself so that you have enough in the tank for everything that you want to do. And, thinking about kind of the basic needs in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. He went through and he talked about our basic needs. He listed our physiological needs that we need just as humans, shelter, food, water, sleep. Those are the basic things that we need to keep us going right to keep living here on earth. And then the next need, after those are met, is safety and that security. And it used to be being accepted by your tribe, because there was safety in numbers back in those days. Now safety and security mean having the basic resources to make sure that you are fed and you have shelter, that type of thing. So it's a job to pay bills. It's the ability to relatively easily get what you need to fulfill food, shelter, water, sleep, those types of things. It's healthcare. It's things like that.
And then the next level after your physiological needs have been met, after your safety needs have been met is loving and belonging. It's relationships. It's family, friends, community because we're pack animals. And again, that one, I feel like it goes back to that security and the fact that there is safety in numbers, right?
To be in that tribe, you needed to be, you needed to have some relationships, you needed to have some connection. So, that is our next level - loving love, and belonging. And it's also being able to express and show love for others; that's part of the give and take of loving and belonging, feeling love and expressing love to others.
Then the next one is esteem - self-esteem, self-respect, recognition, status. And I think this one builds on the loving and belonging, right? If you're respected, if you're recognized as somebody who is giving and caring. Then you will be loved, and you will belong. You have that security of having your people.
And the next level is self-actualization. Feeling fulfilled, feeling like you're living up to your potential. Once you have all those other needs met - your food, water, shelter, you feel safe and secure, you have a sense of community, you love people and you feel love, and you feel like you belong, and you feel like you're respected by others, you respect yourself. When all of that's in place, then you can think about doing things and becoming the person who feels fulfilled and like they're living up to their potential and doing what they can in the world to make a difference. And I think that self-care is taking care of all of that - your mental, your physical, the emotional. That's what self-care is, and that's why it's important. It's you making sure your basic needs are met and advocating for your basic needs being met. For all of those things for your physiological needs, for your safety, making sure that you have connections with people that is self-care. When you're doing all of those things, when you are making sure those things are in place for yourself.
I would say that self-care is really focused on those first four things, and when we have taken care of all of that, and we have all of that in line, then we can move into self-actualization and live in our full potential and be fulfilled by life.
So, let's talk about what is not self-care. That's what I want to talk about today. Mainly we're going to cover what does not count as self-care. And then, in the rest of the series, I will go through and I will give you some ideas and tips and information on what is self-care and how you can incorporate that into your life.
So what self-care is not, it is not buffering. And that's a word that we use in some coaching circles. Buffering is when you use something like food or drinking to hide from what's really going on or to cover up emotions. It's a buffer between what's happening inside and what's going on in the world.
So buffering could look like shopping after work. After a long day at work, scrolling the internet mindlessly and buying yourself a treat, when you should really be dealing with the stuff that's already in your house. Or when you’re buying that treat and it's outside of your budget, and the cost of the item will cause you stress later. And it may not just be one item, it could be that that is your way of dealing on a regular basis. And those little things that you buy will add up and the cost of those things, the cumulative cost of those things, will cost you more stress, add more stress to you later on. So that's one way that you buffer.
Eating... for comfort, comfort food, fast food, “quick and easy” that's another way of buffering when you're tired. Because it was a long day and you just want to grab something and you want it to be easy. You want it to be something that's comforting. (Air quotes, if you're listening.) Something that's comforting to you in that moment, but it's not going to feed what you really want in the long run - health. It's not going to nourish your body the way you really want it to in the long run. It's just feeding that immediate need that it's giving you immediate gratification. Immediate “comfort.” But really, it's not giving you comfort at all because later on, you're going to have to face the consequences of that eating - pants too tight, feeling sluggish and yucky because it's not good food for your body.
Another way that we buffer is by drinking; that wind-down glass of wine, right? Drinks with friends, happy hour at the end of a long day of work. When what you really want is to decompress. And so we use the drinking and the alcohol as a way of suppressing the emotions, the tiredness, the stress of the day. So that's buffering instead of really feeling those feelings and dealing with them, you're suppressing them with alcohol.
So those are buffering things and buffering can be so many different things; those are some of the top ones that we see that people can relate to.
Another thing that self-care is not, is people pleasing. And this one may be a little weird so stick with me on this one. But when it's easier just to go along than to really advocate for what you want. When you just want to keep the peace. It's easier to keep them quiet.
And it's good for you if they're quiet. But it's not. That's shutting down a piece of you, the piece of you that really wants something else. It's being likable or agreeable, and probably again, everything is fine, but you're not really caring for yourself o what you want. And that's okay. Some of the time, right? We live in a world with other people, and there is compromise. But if you're always at the bottom of the list; if your needs are always the last to be met, it's not caring.
And another thing that self-care is not is, it's not fussy or tedious. And what I mean by that is it shouldn't take weeks to plan some me time. You don't need to schedule spa appointments or take the day off work for self-care; not that there is anything wrong with either one of those. I love a good spa day, and sometimes you do need a mental health day from work, so that can be self-care. But there's so many other things that you can incorporate into your day-to-day life that are really caring and nurturing. So it does not have to be a big to do to be self-care.
So over the next few weeks, we're going to be talking about self-care and I'm going to keep reiterating why it's important, why you need to take some time to tune in to you and to ask yourself, what do you need?
That could be one of the most caring things that you can do for yourself. Is to every now and then, get someplace, get quiet and ask yourself, “What do I need?” “What do I need?” If you do it on paper and journal about it, I think it's even better. But if you can just sit quietly and think about what you really need - it can be in that moment; it could be in the near future, and it could be in the future future, but just really thinking about what you need and why, could be just really just baseline self-care.
But that's one way. I'm going to give you some other ideas on how to incorporate self-care into your life. It's going to be around things like time, it's going to be around your health. It's going to be around your mental health. We're going to talk about it all. And if you have ideas that you want to share on how you take care of yourself or if you have questions, I want to know about them.
I want this to be very interactive. You can come over to Instagram and leave me comments there. If you're in the Curate Your Life Facebook group, or if you join it, we can have the conversation in there. But I want it to be interactive. I want this to be a discussion. And then I want it to be something that we incorporate and that we put into practice.
I practice self-care on the regular and I’ll give you some of my tips and tricks and things that I do - no tricks - there are no tricks; some tips and things that I do to practice self-care.
And they are little things y'all and they're free. Self-care can be absolutely free. You don't have to spend money to care for yourself. It could be as simple as, like I said, asking yourself, what do I need? It could be as simple as sitting for 10 minutes and just doing some deep breathing or some breath work, or just sitting for 10 minutes - that can be self-care.
So we're going to get into all of it. I want to hear everything that you have to say. I'm excited about this series. I don't know how long the series is; I have some ideas. I'm thinking it's probably going to be about four episodes, but if we get rolling, we will just talk about it until we can't talk about it anymore.
If you want to talk about self-care, one-on-one I'm always here. I'm always available for one-on-one consultations to talk about how you can create a life that you love. It's absolutely possible. I want everybody to do it. When you wake up in the morning and the first thing that you feel is gratitude and excitement... And maybe not joy first thing in the morning… that might be with the first cup of coffee. But really you look forward to your day; it's wonderful. And it can be that way most, I mean. I don't wake up skipping every morning; I don't. Most days, though, I wake up pretty happy, looking forward to life because I am living it on purpose. Doing it my way, creating the life that I want.
And that's what I want for you. So, if you want to talk about that, schedule a Curate Your Life call, and we'll talk about it. And in the meantime, we'll be talking about self-care. Until next time.